John Cena - Freestyles!





Smackdown - 10/30/02 Alright, stop, collaborate and listen Ice is back with a new proposition Your position, is that of a failure I'm 'a nail ya To Jamie Noble's trailer And then I dare ya, to run around and cause a scare Give people shakes and make 'em change their underwear I'm on top, it's my fault that you're under there You want a bear? A__ bald don't shave ya back there Fast, gotta go it's been a blast Came out the locker room stole Rey Mysterio's mask Tried to get 'Taker's cast but it was plastered on too tight Peace, gotta go, 'bout to hotwire his bike! Smackdown - 11/07/2002 I’m John C, my styles smooth never choppy, The number one announcer is me it ain’t Funaki! So Kish wants to release pieces of his feces? Well when the match is over he tastes my cheeks cheeses, Stop, repeat this, I win I never lose, Every single match I gotta new pair of shoes, Which I can use as toys or decoys, I’m not about to lose to a lost member of the fat boys! Word Life! Velocity - 11/30/02 Velocity is my property, I talk cockily Get up off of me cause I steam your a__ like broccoli, You try to copy me cause you're jealous and mad at me, I look good with oversized brain capacity, I don't blame you, don't hate this future hall of famer, Hate that in any given second I can re-arrange ya, Hate that my name spells danger, Hate that I hate ya, hate that you're a pawn and I'm a player, Lyrical principal, schools out I dismissed ya, You're all a bunch of trash go and sleep with your sista! Word Life! Smackdown - 12/5/2002 Rikishi, you was lucky when you beat me, But in a verbal battle, nobody can defeat me, And I'm completely unaffected when you taunt me, It's not my fault that all these ladies want me! It's not my fault that I got tha betta body! This is B-Squared and he's my one-man posse, You wanna see a thug? Turn around and take a look, You're just another dude who came up short from Red Hook, This battle was over way before it even started, You against me? That’s totally retarded! Me and B2 is was too nice for this place, Yo Kish, hows it feel to get the verbal stinkface, Word Life!! Armageddon 2002 - 12/15/2002 Suprise, we right here before your eyes, All you women want me, I'm the envy of all you guys, That's cause you rely on flippin burgers, and serving fries, Your girls with us, I'm about to find her bra size, It's a new era, a new message that we're sending, It starts tonight, right here at Armaggeddon! No sweatin, I don't care who I piss off, From Stephanie McMahon, straight over to Eric Bishoff! We never soft, we never leave a man standing, You either deal with me, or with Bling Bling Buchanan, We the mans son, and we attacking this arrangement, The new centerpiece of World Wrestling Entertainment, And for all you foes who think you can throw blows, Ya'll end up like Marcia Brady saying, "Oh my nose!" And I'm out! Smackdown - 12/19/2002 Yo yo everybody knows that we ninjas in the ancient art of thug-a-nomics. so you all better to learn to love it, because there's no replacing this. the Buccaneers are queer, I'd rather cheer for the Patriots. Face it, me and B2, we re-arrange ya I'm half rapper, I'm half sports-entertainer. You in danger, you from Tampa, I'm from Boston. New law enforcement, like the four horseman Assortment, you need a cavalry to battle me. I beat you down brutally and watch you die tragically. I beat your dad's family I beat you moms. your sister calls me leprechaun, always after my lucky charms. Physical storm. prepare to throw down your keys. We gone, but we'll be back, just like bell bottom jeans. Smackdown - 12/26/2002 Yo, yo enough of this, I'm about to kick it ill matic freestyle, describing this jedi master of thug-a-nomics, so listen up and give me a freestyle beat. He speaks softly, he swings his steal chain and rattles your brain, The man of many names, like B2 the physical version of R2-D2 But you and your crew, always soft and never see through, Back up kid, yo I know that you're scared, Another name for my man is B-Squared, That's B to the second power in case you didn't get it, Beat you so bad, make your family look pathetic, Roll the credits, yo the fat lady sings, Rock the mad ice, that's why they call him Bling Bling, Buchanan, yo he's my right hand man an' 2 to me and an army and a weeks worth of plannin' Enough of that, yo we coming through ya, I'll let Bull finish this one off... B2: BOOYA!! Velocity - 12/28/2002 Hey! Hey we're back, I know that you missed us, Santa Claus is wack, we're the true meaning of Christmas, Don't diss us, cause I know you all know ya, I know that your losers cause your all from Oklahoma, It's ok, I got some tips that I could show ya, Tip # 1, Don't ever cheer for O.U. Tip # 2, It ain't a tip it's a fact, kill the country music and the cowboy hats is wack, Don't make me break your back before I get to Tip # 3! This one's important, take a bath your filthy! Tip # 4, I can't remember I'm stuck. Oh oh now I got it, Oklahoma sucks!! Word Life! Smackdown - 1/9/2003 Mess with me, you die slow, and explode, you wide load. Your butt looks like twenty miles of bad road and I'm here to show everybody where I'm coming from. Your a__ looks like two packs of chewed bubble gum. This battle is over, I know you can't win this. You spend your time putting buffets out of business. So please, freeze, you can't hang on these, I get the dry heaves when I see your cottage cheese. You got bad knees, plus you're obese. You're so fat, when you sweat, you sweat grease. So please, it's over, don't bother trying, call back Jared and get on Subway's diet. Smackdown - 1/9/2003 I'm about to show you I can whip a Latino, You run from me like you run from el Nino, Hot like a jalapeno stuck on an enchilada, I'm a rottweiler you's a Mexican chihuahua, You gets nada, don't bother the crew bro, Stick to salsa, and listen to Menudo, You hate me 'cause I'm white that's reverse discrimination, I hate you for two words, illegal immigration, I beat you down kid, then I make you humble, Beat you today and then again at Royal Rumble, I never fumble, Got you locked with these big hits, Eddy cut the mullet now it's time you got your wig split, Yo sit back relax listen to the boss, You work at taco bell handing me the mild sauce, Take a loss, know that you're phony, I got coconuts ya'll got no cajones, Smackdown - 1/16/2003 Since when did the meadowlands become a place for Mexicans? Go back to Home Depot become one of their hired hands I got plans to take away your gold waist bands Your face is sorry like New York Giants fans My alliance spans mad untouchable clique Livin' la vida loca but my name ain't Rick Martin and I'll keep you starvin' like concentration camps Go back to freeways selling oranges on off-ramps The new champs untouchable like Elliot Ness Put a hole in your chest Eddie and Chavo ya'll are worn out like Mark Bavaro I used to love Lucy and hated Ricky Ricardo I got your number kid so whatcha gonna do the rap is over give it to B2 B2: Booya! Royal Rumble 2003 - 1/19/03 Yo, Yo, Yo!! Thuganomics Style! Naw, naw.. Put down your tea potties, Get away from your John Hancocks, I'm rockin this Thuganomics style, Yo. Besides open mics, One thing that gets me boiled Is an old school 30 man battle royal, I'm a win this, I'm a make my impression, Show Vinny Mac that I got Ruthless Aggression! The odds were even, until you chose me, Now it's 29 dudes and 1 ruthless MC Yo it doesn't matter kid, Cuz I'll rip yo nose off, I can battle you naked with no clothes on!! Kid, wutchu talkin' bout? 3 reasons I'm a win this: Reason number 1: I cut you up like cucumbers Reason number 2, that you can't approach this I be chokin you like Sprewell be chokin coaches Reason number 3 is hard for me to explain to ya, but I'm a win tonight and go on to Wrestlemania The royal rumble's just another test that I got to pass, Y'all dudes are like "Keep it one leg'd, you half a__ed" Yo.. whatcha talkin bout kid? You can't touch this, Throw the double clutches, if you down with untouches, Yo it's my year.. I suggest you take the year off, I'm sick like Tyson was when he bit Holyfield's ear off It doesn't matter kid.. Yo, you should stop defeat me, My style's like a swollen penis, you can't beat me Smackdown - 1/30/2003 Yo, yo, yo Untouchable. Spreading Jedi Thuganomics. Now I got my padawan learner. You’re about to feel the burner. Cut the beat! Latino Heat, why do you want to continue this feud? I got you crapping in your pants just like Mexican food. I see fear in your face bro. You’re worthless like the Peso. I eat you like some chips that’s been covered in Con Queso. I beat jobless, go back to being a car jacker. Agaist me you are going to choke like the Packers. I’m right here in Green Bay, you get auctioned on e-bay. My flow is so hot you got to keep the instant replay. Untouchable clique and we are standing tall. You are eliminated first like fat chicks in dodge ball. We got to heavy metal shows just to fight in the mosh pit. My dogg will eat you alive, You’ll end up dog ____” Smackdown - 2/6/2003 I’m untouchable. Straight down to the walk. Get out your cell phones cause I’m calling out Brock. “Don’t talk about Brock Lesnar! He’ll come up here and kill me.” Brock Lesnar sucks as bad as the city of Philly. Oversized oaf, his forehead, his jaw… I’ll tell you what “F5” stands for. “Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum.” I forgot my name, my brain went numb. Damn, I’m dumb. You’re so clumsy, you couldn’t beat a cripple in a dance off. You want to see the Next Big Thing? Let me take my pants off. You’re as smart as a third grader that never went to class. And I challenge you next week. So I can kick your ass! You didn’t get that? Let me rewind it for you. I challenge you next week so I can kick your ass! Smackdown - 2/13/2003 Spitting that slang? Better think twice. All you know about dogs is how to make them with fried rice. But the Thuganomical walk is going on this night. Brock Lesnar better be ready for the true untouchable tonight Brock Lesnar is getting smoked. Word life. (Coming down the ring) This is serious now. Kill the beat. Yo. People think I’m crazy. That’s what everyone is telling me. That me beating you is like you winning a spelling bee. That’s okay because tonight I silence them all. You’re a Neanderthal. So I’ll use words that are small. “Big Brock Lesnar. Here comes the pain! God build me strong. Forget to give me brain.” You hop around all day like there’s potatoes in your crack. That’s a nice tattoo of your mother on your back. Yo. I’m untouchable you can’t beat my ability. I’m like a basic match problem Brock. You just can’t finish me. Smackdown - 2/20/2003 I’d like to take this time to say thank you to Brock, You shattered my knee on tv, now I can’t walk, It’s official. I got crippled by the meathead, But Brock, you left me breathin’ when you should have left me for dead, So I swear John Cena’s a name you will remember, From this point on I declare war on Brock Lesnar! This is more than a match, it’s a total obsession, I’ll be watching everything you do twenty four-seven, Forcing you to keep me in the back of your mind, And since your brain is so small, I won’t be hard to find, I’ll break you down, watch you drown and not throw you a rope, This is jail Brock, we’re inmates. You just dropped the soap! Word Life! Smackdown - 2/27/2003 Brock, I sit here glued to the screen punching these keys Watching everything you do on live Internet feeds I downloaded high speed all the files that I need To make your hard drive crash and to make your face bleed You can’t erase me, I’m going to make you taste me I’m like a virus, I’ll kill you the next time you face me You’re jealous, You stole my shot at the brass ring Everybody knows I’m the Next Big Thing You’re all bark and no bite. You stole my spotlight I’m the great white hope, you’re the great white hype If you an animal, Then I’m going on safari I’m rockin Playstation 2. You can’t figure out Atari Look in these eyes Brock, don’t think that I won’t shoot ya I’ll leave you worthless. Like a nerd with no computer Show the world that you can’t even walk in my shoe You finish is the F5? Well, mine’s the F-U! Smackdown - 3/6/2003 Brock, I’m walking again. I’m back on my feet And I’m holding down the streets like a new pair of cleats Sacrificing sleep so that in a few weeks I look you in your eyes and unleash the beast About to prove to you the unusual things I can do to you Like take my fist and drive it right through you I take you down Brock at any and all costs I’m super hard, you’re microsoft I’m a heavyhitter, when I step up I don’t back off I’m a king around here, you’re just another jack-off You seen me before Brock, but never intense I’ll fill you of holes like chain link fence. Word life! Smackdown - 3/13/2003 The reason that I'm sitting here waiting for the Doc Is cause of the F5 that I took from you Brock I don’t think that you understand what I’m saying You’re gonna hit your knees quicker than a priest when he’s praying You’re the poster child for the birth control pill You go down quicker than a Ho for a five dollar bill I’m the real Superman, you ain’t nothing but Clark Kent I go for four quarters. You’re halftime, like 50-Cent I’m going to hang your ass like a Christmas tree ornament I’ll whack you more times than a masturbation tournament You get my point now? Because before I thought you missed it I’m a Viagra triple shot. You’re just a Limp Bizkit! Word Life! Smackdown - 3/20/2003 This goes to every hip hot artist giving me no respect. Why don’t you step up to me? You’ll get bounced like a bad check. So hip hop hates me, cause I don’t rhyme about gats. And I’m a white kid rockin’ throwbacks and pinwheel hats. I don’t care about how many microphones I get in magazines. I got my own flow, you can have your mainstream. I’ll out rhyme you with anything that I say to ya. I’m making an open challenge at WrestleMania. In front of 50,000 I’ll expose your mistakes. And piss all over you like you was urinal cakes. I’m taking over hip hop and the wrestling ring. That’s why I’m fully focused on the Next Big Thing. I was laughing last week when you got fooled, you meathead. It was funny watching the Vanilla Gorilla turn beat red. You can’t handle losing Brock, you turn into a sore sport. And crippled Eric Angle, tried to cut his career short. You think that’s funny? Messing with people’s lives? Next week I’m coming to Smackdown. Let’s see if you survive! I’m harcore like porno flicks. You’re softballs like slow pitch. Here comes the real pain Brock. Payback’s a _____! Smackdown - 3/27/2003 Save your breath kid, I’m here for a reason My target is Brock Lesnar and it’s hunting season Tonight I teach Brock a lesson like Mr. Miyagi did But he’s not Daniel LaRusso and this ain’t the Karate Kid Yeah my pants are sagging ‘cause I’ve been working my ass off Tonight I’ll put the ‘wax on’ to a kid that whacks off I’m more of a threat to you Brock than nuclear fallout Tonight’s the night the Next Big Thing gets called out World life, son! Heat - 3/30/2003 I asked hip-hop for a single MC, They said they'd send me 2, Fabolous and Jay-Z. But these Gangstas didn't want to come up and sing on TV. I'm gonna tell all y'all why they wouldn't battle with me, "Yo man, it's Jay-Z man, I'm fully focused Rockafella' man, I got my girlfriend man, I don't need to come in Seattle, I'm the king of New York. All I need in this life instead is me and my girlfriend. Rockafella'" Ok Bonnie, Where the hell is Clyde at? He ducked me like a b____ for a little battle rap, What you want me to do man, call out your fiance? I'd have better competition battle rapping with Beyonce. He's the king of New York, I'm a kid from the cella' Only way he stays hard is by rockin' another fella'. Sorry that I didn't have that much time to diss you, I focus on Fabolous, he's my real issue. Dude, you need to stick doing Reebok commercials, He showed up and tapped out after hearing me in rehearsal. They didn't arrest you for your guns, it's because your rap sucks, Cops charged him with illegally possessing 2 nuts. Trade your throwback shirt for a skirt you little whinah’ And hike up your skirt, I can see your mangina. You wanna blackball me? Well at least I gotta a ballsack, If they lived at the spermbank, they couldn't get their comeback. They talk about their ice, and all the girls loving you, The only Bush he sees is by watching George W. I'm a main event playa', these fools are in the background, I take over you, and then I take over Smackdown. They can do a show in their living-room and still not sell-out, This is the WWE, get the F out. Yo it's John Cena, Thuganomics' hot as hell, He's just a bad idea, like the XFL. I'll main event WrestleMania 20, you see me you outta luck. You don't like what I'm saying? Well I just don't give a ____ Smackdown- 4/3/2003 Next week my chances of winning. Are slimmer than a busload of anorexic women. Undertaker, he should be in the Hall of Fame, But I never give up man, that’s why they play the game. Like Hugh Hefner on Viagra bro, I ain’t back down, Anything can happen on any given Smackdown. Deadman make me famous? I’m gonna undertake him, I ain’t behind the eight ball dude, I rack ‘em and break ‘em! I’ll shock the world and make the Deadman fall, And leave him like a clear pool table, with no balls! Smackdown- 4/10/2003 It’s the new rookie phenom, I’m changing the guard, Dead Man Inc. is bankrupt, I’m repossessing his yard. Yeah he’s a big dog and I’m a pup, but I’ll bark this; For him to beat me tonight he’ll need an army full of darkness. Yo, yo, you can’t take me because if you do I’m gonna trash this. I hope Paul Bearer has got a new urn to bury your ashes. I’m worse than the Chicago fire, I’ll burn your whole town. I got Chicago runnin’ scared! I turn your White Sox brown. Yo, I’m strong a muscle car, and this ain’t my Last Ride. I leave you like Chicago when Jordan left, stripped of your pride. Yo, my practice is chiropractic. Dude, I’ll break your back. So you’re a Dead Man? I’m a necrophiliac! Word Life! Smackdown- 4/17/2003 Don’t you ever tell me who I can and can’t respect! You’ll wind up in surgery, with another broken neck. At least you’re all set when you get your release, If you ever go broke, rent the space between your teeth. Oh, you don’t like what I’m saying? I don’t care if you get flipped off, Don’t ever judge me dude, you just a Dynamite rip off. Yo, you’s a rabid wolverine but you’re missing a fang, I tie strings to acorns, so I can let my nuts hang. You ready to settle this? Then come on out here and fight me, I ain’t allergic to your rabies dog, come on out and bite me! Word life! Smackdown- 4/24/2003 Yo Brock, talking to you is like talking to a caveman. I’d be better off drawing little sticks in the sand. You’ve gone soft Brock, you’re like Ben-gay ointment. Yeah, you hold the title; “World’s Biggest Dissapointment” With a knife and a dictionary, you still couldn’t cut a promo right. I’m the New Big Thing dude, you're not even a Prototype. I told you paybacks coming, so be ready to tape and tuck. You careless? We’ll I’m fearless, and I don’t give a ______! Backlash 2003 - 4/27/03 The list of legends that held the title now includes me bro, I'll be a better champion than Bruno Sammartino. This is Thuganomics, I got opponents home in crutches, I'm iron like the Sheik, I got you in my camel clutches. I lost my mind like Mankind, pulling socks from his ass crack, I'm straight, you're Dude Love so get off the Cactus Jack. I'll take your varsity letters and medals, I'll leave you mangled and hurt, I'm attacking from all angles, you'll be calling me Kurt. I'm wearing this Yankees jersey cause Massachusetts makes me sick, You don't like what I'm saying, you can suck my _____. Smackdown- 5/1/2003 Man I got screwed at Backlash so I'm out here to discuss this, I won the match it was a miscarriage of justice. Everyone saw it Brock was tappin to my headlock, Hell I beat Brock like the Mets beat the Red Sox. Yo, I had him busted wide open, exposing all his weak spots, All he had on me was a few frickin cheap shots. And everybody saw the ref was my downfall, He was missing calls like Bill Bucker was missing ground balls. Not only did I beat Brock I made him quit, I got no respect for that piece of ______. Smackdown - 5/8/2003 So tonight John Cena’s gotta fight a rhinoceros, I’ll rip his crotch out and make him see a gynecologist. You’re half man and half beast. Is that supposed to impress me? Man, my fist will swell your face, you’ll be the white Dizzy Gillespy. I bet you fans think that Rhyno’s gonna give me the gore, I’ll beat his ass so sore it will be like he did a prison tour. Yo. This is Thuganomics, I excel beyond sports, He rocks a horn on his head, I rock a horn in my shorts. And to that kid Spanky who imitated my flows, I’m glad I broke his nose and stole his clothes. He had the whole crowd chanting “Cena Sucks” You think I do? Well F You! Cause I don’t give a _____. World Life! Smackdown - 5/15/2003 I will squash Mr. America. V-Mac, please pick me. I'll change him back to the Hulk so quickly, you'd think his name is Bill Bixby. And then at Judgment Day, you can throw away that patriotic masked man. Don't recycle Hulkamania; throw it in the trash can. And Chris Benoit? You think I let your crossface hurt me? I cross your face with steel chains, I throw you back like my jersey. Have you wrapped you up with so many bandages, they'll think you're Saudi Arabian. Instead of the Canadian Crippler, you'll just be a Crippled Canadian. Yo, I can't skate, but I still play with my pucks and stick. I have them call you John Bobbit because I cut of your _____ Word Life Judgment Day 2003 - 5/18/2003 This is Thuganomics, but tonight I'm baptized, Now I got family ties with the FBI's. Tonight we're handing out a special: two for one black eyes, It's like a mafia movie, I'll have you cheering the bad guys. Cause we're really goodfellas, making you offers you can't refuse, Have you jumping off the pier in some concrete shoes. We'll beat you down so bad, you can't identify the body, You get baked like manicotti, we're the new John Gotti. So don't mess with Nunzio, Palumbo, or Stamboli, You'll be sleeping with the fishes, getting stuffed like ravioli. I change my name to Corleone, like a Godfather flick, Your girl likes Italian sausage, cause she swallowed my ______! Smackdown- 5/22/2003 Yo, Yo, Yo, hey you Spanky, You’re just a copycat of me. I’ve been watching your progression, The kid’s got an obsession with trying to steal my Ruthless Agression. In his first match with Kurt Angle, he took him to the limit, In the next minute, he’s wearin velour and claiming that’s his gimmick, Dude, he’s exactly like me. No, I’m ten times bigger, You want to be me so bad you swallowed my action figure. But you’ll never be untouchable. I don’t care how hard you try to, I’ll serve you quicker than a Burger King drive thru. And with a name like Spanky the dude never gets a date, He’s always arguing in groups because all he does is masturbate. So I’m past you ya little rascal, you and your kiddie tricks, You want to spank something? Dude, go home and spank your _______! Velocity - 5/30/03 Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo. Chill, chill. I’m preaching Thuganomics on Velocity, We’re taking over the green screen. John Cena and Saturday night, You couldn’t find a better Dream Team. But I’m frustrated, we’re underrated, We’ve got the best show in the world. I mean, Cat’s always calling his Momma, and Josh, he ain’t never kissed a girl. But that’s OK you pipsqueak, I’m here to save you this week, And my Johnson is longer than a Joe DiMaggio hit streak. After the show, we can get out on a Hibachi, Drinking full bottles of sake, I’m battle-rappin’ with Funaki. All the censors hate me, and the parents can’t believe me, ‘Cause their kids throw up the double horns after seeing me on TV. Whether you like me, or you hate me, there’s no way you can ignore me. They don’t let me curse on TV, I have the crowd curse for me. You attack me, it’s like acne, I’ll pop you like a zit. ‘Cause when you’re untouchable, you don’t take no ____. Smackdown - 6/5/03 Yo yo yo yo. All this talk. All this Cruiserweight this. This Rey Mysterio this. This Matt Hardy that. These flyin’ cruiserweights don’t deserve a second look It’s like watching the Haiti Kid beat up on Lord Littlebrook And they are so light in the pants they should be called transvestites I got more hits on the mike than free porno websites I got kids carvin’ double horns on their bathroom stalls I ain’t in this for the money, Lebron James took it all And Chris Benoit? Yeah, you got fans, but I don’t respect you The only Wolverine I see is in X-Men 2 And I beat up an preppy punk wearing Abercrombie & Fitch I’ll sign his autograph first, then run away with his ______! Smackdown - 6/12/03 Yo, I’m that ill cat with more cork in his bat than Sammy Sosa. I’m too ghetto for merchandise, so kids make their own posters. Orlando fans are in the stands, throwing up those double hands, After the show Michael Cole is going to chase some boy bands. Hey Tazz, calm down your man, you gotta tell him to slow down, He’s got those weird posters of N'Sync and he’s falling in love with O-Town. Funaki san, reconsider. I’m more than you can handle bro, I’ll cut your two tone mullet and kick you dead in the camel toe. You should go back to announcing, this whole match is a waste man, I don’t need to wrestle you, you’re choking yourself with your wasteband. I aint from Orlando, but I have the magic stick, That means I’m representing your city when I grab my _____! Velocity - 6/22/03 Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo, Yo. I dominate Saturday night, From the second I hit the green screen, To wearing thongs and phony afros on Confidential with Mean Gene. Hospitals are packed with wrestling fans,they’re getting Saturday night fever. I’m scared of getting mad cow, that’s why all I eat is beaver. And Yo, I’m the best thing you can see on the weekends, Josh, you were scaring me backstage doing those naked deep knee bends. Yo, you stole my style last week, that’s the reason I got hot bro’. I’m the best poetic genius since “Leaping” Lanny Poffo. I’m so over the top, I’m giving censors fits. Forget the match, let’s go to Hooters so we can grab some ____! Word Life. Smackdown - 7/3/03 Undertaker's spreading them lies to Orlando Jordan, It’s not your yard. It’s a prison bro, and I’m the warden. You can’t see me? I’m a legend, you should pay me some respect, And if you’re late on paying me, I’m gonna come and collect. So now I wrestle Mr Ass, the dude who likes to suck it, Torrie's a cover-up bro, we know you take it in the bucket. Hey, I’m not nervous cause you got this weird fetish with butts, I’m scared because your favorite food is sausage and nuts. You can’t handle the truth Billy, you’d rather feel up Chuck, You don’t want to wrestle with me, all you want is to _______! Smackdown - 7/11/03 You’re forgetting John Cena. You got rocks in your brain? You’re gold was out in ’96. You need to sport a steel chain. Now, you and Brock are “close friends” and Big Show, he needs a bra. That’s not a triple threat match, Kurt that’s a ménage a trois. And by the time you all wrestle, there will be an empty arena. The main event at Vengeance is Undertaker-John Cena. You’re not better than me Kurt, you’re not even my equal. I'm like Terminator 3, you’re like a Legally Blonde sequel. It makes me sick when you come out here and run your little mouth. We in the great white north but you can bite my great white south. Smackdown - 7/17/03 We’re in a graveyard, and it’s time for some Thuganomics! You need to listen up Undertaker. See, I’ve been watching you ever since you debuted as the Deadman. You’re full of more crap than a super-sized bedpan. And this whole things a front man, you ain’t never been deceased. You drive from funeral to funeral, just to hit on a priest. I heard rumors about you dawg, you used to hit on men often. I 2-way’d Paul Bearer, he said you shared the same coffin. It was never Dead Man. The whole time you were faking. And you beatin’ John Cena? You gravely mistaken. See you old news dawg. Fans won’t even miss you. You ain’t a dead man. You just a dead issue. And at Vengeance I’m going to prove the Big Dog is all bark. I’m gonna claim my territory. Piss right on the mark. Word Life! Zach can’t beat you, it’s an impossible mission. He’s just like Ted Turner man, he ain’t no competition. And the fact he got a contract is just completely pathetic. Forget about his fake leg, his whole career is prosthetic. Yo, this kid is crazy. He’s a circus freak, half of his body is plastic. He should do both of us a favor and hop into traffic. Now, I guess, I guess we both got handicapped matches at Vengeance it seems. I’m killing a dead man, you’re fighting Christopher Reeves. Yo, Yo, this kid is half assed. You’re gonna knock off his block. Hey man, what’s better than a one legged wrestler? Being able to walk! Vince: “Word life and all that stuff” Smackdown - 7/24/03 Hey I’m sorry to interrupt you Steph, I had this dream about you last night. You had me standing at attention, I can’t wait to see you catfight. I lost my concentration, I was looking at your targets. And at Vengeance hopefully I’ll find out if the curtains matches the carpets. No I mean it, I’ll be glued to the boob tube, no you gonna squash Sable completely. You make all five of my girlfriends jealous, each of them wants to beat me. You and Sable fighting, that’s good for my health. Something about you makes me keep in touch with myself. Look, here’s 20 bucks, please rip Sable’s top off. You see, I got this little fetish with nipples and I’ll definitely get my rocks off. And Sable’s just a ho, you're a Diva with class. No one’s watching us Steph, why don’t you let me smack that ___! Yo Undertaker, you say I gotta learn the hardway? I got a Ph.D in Thuganomics, I know everything there is to know. I know we should put you out to pasture, have a seat on the porch, You’re scared to death to pass this new legend the torch. Change from Lucifer after Dead Man in a casket, You mess with me, I’ll put you to Hell in a hand basket. Talking Hellfire, tellin’ people you the devil, You’s a flamer punk and you’re not at my level. You can’t sacrifice me, my name ain't Mideon, I’ll go wacko on your ass, like a Branch Davidian. Tellin’ people you the devil, shoutin 666, I claim heavenly Vengeance, and I’ll make you my _____! Heat - 7/27/2003 So now you changed yourself to the Deadman Walking, I'll leave you in a wheelchair dude, like Stephen Hawking. What do fans like better? fitted hats and throwbacks, Or a fairy like you wearing assless leather chaps. I'm the front man, you're fake like a vinyl side, Do your badass a favor, get off those hogs you ride. This is Thuganomics bro. You can't touch me, I'll have Deadman Inc. filing for bankruptcy Armed with two steel chains I'm throwing double soup bones, John Cena's your last ride, carved your name on tombstones. And at Vengeance you'll soak up blood like a tampon, You'll get left like Zach Gowen, no leg to stand on! Vengeance 2003 I don’t need leather pants and tattoos to try to act cool, I got throwbacks and steel chains, I lead the new school. It's time to take out Big Evil, keep him resting in pieces, I'm gonna eat you alive dog, and find your bones in my feces. I'm untouchable, this wont be a fight, I'll walk away with his bike and he can suck my tail pipe. He had a good run but its bye bye, see ya later, I'm the real dark side, half machine like Darth Vader. I'm way better than the Deadman, you just another sucker, You think he’s beating John Cena? You're a stupid mother_______! Smackdown - 7/31/2003 You see, at Vengeance, everybody saw that Cena failed the test. But it was Undertaker who left the arena a bloody mess! Yeah yeah yeah, he's sitting at home, I'm standing here, okay? And I'm demanding a rematch on SmackDown next Thursday! He's a big coward, and I guarantee he's a no show. He's too busy hitting on those rookies, trying to get a low blow. oh oh oh no no, I've seen him and Orlando, and with their flirting, there's no ignoring. He may have a match with me, but he's beating Orlando Jordan Hey, I don't know what you're doing right now, but it's more than likely You got your grubby mitts down Orlando's tighty whiteys! Smackdown - 8/7/03 Yo yo yo. Undertaker You beat me at Vengeance. That’s okay. You didn’t stop me I’m still talking smack and backing it up. I’m the white Muhammad Ali And you’re just jealous because you didn’t get your hands on my python Dead Man Inc. is bankrupt, just like Mike Ty-son And I’m gonna make this statement. John Cena is amazing You all can’t see me, my flow is sicker than AIDS patients Yeah, I broke your ribs, now I’ll break your reputation I’ll leave you on the wrong side on a Kobe Bryant violation I’m the real Main Eventer, you just a counterfeit I’ll stick your head up your ass. You can eat your own ______! Smackdown - 8/14/03 Man this is ridiculous. Zack Gowen versus me? Two minutes ago you wanted my autograph on a Word Life ringer tee. Are you stupid? I just beat the Undertaker man! I can handle the Last Ride, you can't handle the last stand. Only offense you got is a plastic leg drop, And whether you like it or not homie, you feeling hip hop. You're still good for two things, and one is being a waste of space, The other is being a perfect partner in a three-legged race. But that's ok. We got something in common Zack, but I can pull off the trick, I got one leg. I don't need a fake, I'll put a boot on my _____! Smackdown - 8/21/03 We just saw Brock Lesnar break Zach Gowen’s only good leg Well I guess Zach should cut his losses and learn to walk on wooden pegs It ain’t no secret, everyone knew he was gonna get smoked like a joint Forget his handicap, Zach sucks because he’s from Detroit The only time you people look good is at nighttime during a blackout This ain’t Joe Louis Arena, it’s the World’s Biggest Crackhouse And please read between the lines, because I’m giving you the middle finger Detroit’s got more white trash than Jerry Springer The best part about this city is that I’m leaving here tomorrow You think I suck? Well I know you swallow! Smackdown - 9/18/03 I underestimated the Guerrero's. I don't know what to say bro. Those dudes are better at cheatin' then Ben Affleck is with J Lo. I don't got the U.S. Title, but I didn't lose any steam. Screw Ted Turner and the Braves, I'm Americas team. John Cena's more American than silicone strippers Leaving cats dead in their tracks with heart attacks like John Ritter. And next week, John Cena fulfills his patriotic duty. I'll be higher than hippies at 4:20, Watching a Cheech and Chong movie. I'm an American thug, standing on top of this building. Leaving all opposition dead like Saddam Hussain's children. Word Life! House Show - 9/20/03 I'm giving all of you the finger, just like Stone Cold Steve Austin. The New York Yankees suck, all the real players are from Boston. So, this is New York City, you've gotta be kidding me. Im gonna take a dump, at the Statue of Liberty. I can choke you out with a simple headlock, man. The Yankees are all jobbers. I'm a Red Sox fan. Smackdown - 9/25/03 Yo. Would you quit your bitchin? You turned into a whiner Last week you lost your title. Now you got a vagina! Smackdown - 10/2/03 It's time for John Cena to step up and break through. Every time you see me, it should be a freaking Pay Per View. I’m the reason you watch this show, everybody else is just a fill-in. I’m the dude who makes it OK to root for the villain! All these other cats, all they do is ruin the mood. Like making out with a hot chick and findin out she’s a dude! So Kurt Angle, you can get the hell off my show! Forget your red white and blue man, you just red white and blow! I’m making half the roster retire, and the other half quit. And just like Big Show’s diarrhea, you can’t stop my ____. Smackdown - 10/9/03 You want to battle? I refuse to get ripped You little bitch, you couldn’t wrap a Christmas gift You’re not All American Kurt, you wore out the gimmick You couldn’t win a bronze medal in the Special Olympics I’m the dirty America, look in my eyes, I’m right here You’re the American Dream? Well I’m America’s nightmare I’m just a punk, pissing off more people than crank calls Hope you got your 3 I’s Kurt, cause you got no balls And when God was handing out brains, it’s obvious you didn’t get none I’m usually throwing up 2 fingers, but you’re special, you get one. So hit this cat’s music, so the fans can say “You Suck” too This finger doesn’t mean you're #1 Kurt, it means I’m saying F___ you Kurt Angle's rap: There once was a kid who liked to talk a lot of smack He’s whiter than me, but he thinks that he’s black And the kid thinks that he’s the kind of talking trash Until the one day he bumped heads with the king of kicking ass He had a secret weapon. He liked to use a steel chain I’ll shove it straight up your ass if you use it again He can’t run. He can’t hide. It doesn’t even matter if he’s rappin’ Because at No Mercy when I get my hands on him, his b____ a__ will be tappin’ And let me tell you the real reason why I’m out here tonight I didn’t come out here to rap. I came out here to fight! No Mercy 2003- 10/19/03 So Kurt Angle tried to diss me, but he just came of soft. He's like Sigfried and Roy and I'm a tiger that's pissed off. This is John Cena, it's time to get dirty at No Mercy. And you don't want to mess with me, I'm like a prostitute with herpes. Thought he was funny with his midget that he couldn't take his hands off. You want to see a real joke, have Kurt Angle take his pants off. He claims intelligence. That's impossible, his head is hollow. His t-shirt used to say "You Suck," but they had to switch it cause he swallows. You want to show your true colors Kurt, then dress up like a chick. And stop acting like were married, get the hell off my ____. Smackdown - 10/23/03 This is the time that I need to congratulate Kurt Angle. Shake his hand for a hell of a match, and say thank you. But that's a bull____ move! Showing you respect is a waste. If I’m gonna call you out Kurt, I’m gonna spit in your face. I kicked the hell out of you! And any veteran too. Ya’ll people hate me just because I’m better than you? Saying "John Cena tapped out. He was crying for his mommy." You got it wrong. Kurt Angle made me nervous. He was grabbing my salami. I’m out to snatch back my thunder like a five finger discount. I’m sick of ya’ll riding my balls, time to dismount! Smackdown - 10/30/03 Chris, Kurt You used to get along so great Last week, I guess you loverboys just ran into a bad date After what I saw, I was sure you were gonna break up That fight was kinda weird, but then I saw you kiss and make up This is the real winning team. You wanna bet, Call your bookie I'm smooth like Han Solo, A-Train is like my Wookie ( To A-Train) Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo Its cool dog. Cause you look like a wookie dude. Chicks dig that. Oh its ooooooooookay.They can't see you. And believe me None of y'all can see me. Halloween is coming up. Why don't you bite my Halloweenie? Smackdown - 11/07/03 The chance of John Cena losing to Rey Mysterio? That’s like Big Show at a buffet and ordering one cheerio. I’m a box office smash, I’m reloaded like the Matrix. How am I gonna lose to a midget dominatrix? You can say you’re a grown man, I just don’t believe you. You’re a baby, I don’t know whether to spank you or to breast feed you. Forget the 619, 9-1-1 is your new slogan I’m about to put a whippin’ on the Mexican Gary Coleman The mask is kinda cute, and the entrance is crazy slick But we don’t see eye to eye Rey, because you’re face is at my ____!” YJ Stinger Commercial The new energy drink, ahead of the bunch This is YJStinger baby, pound and punch You get a rush of energy, every time you take a pull All them all other drinks mainly filled with bull It's the real deal baby and that's the truth You want a boost grab a stinger made by Stacker 2 You know how we do, this drink is number one Helps energy, performance and concentration So go and get one, or grab them by the case Just look for the stinger can with the yellow jacket face The drink kicks a__ I don't care about wings, So go and catch the buzz and feel the sting! YJ Stinger Commercial #2 This is YJStinger man it's legendary. With nothing but hot flavas like Enraged Rasberry. You need a boost? Well Stinger is necessary. Keeps me focused to access vocabulary. YJStinger helps me pick up the pace. And it goes down smooth it don't got the metal taste. But Stinger hits hard like linebackers do. And it's brought to you by Stacker 2. Them other wannabes yo we make 'em extinct. YJStinger is your energy drink. This aint half a__, we come at you full swing. So go and catch the buzz, feel the sting. YJ Stinger Commercial #3 Stinger's the new drink it's all over the streets man. Look for the yellow jacket all over the green can. It'll pump adrenaline like a giant machine man. Drink anything else? That's just obscene man. Need a pickup in your daily routine man? It'll blast like a fire with gasoline man. Make sure the simple citrus is up in your hand. Ten times the energy of any heavy metal band. Y'all don't know by now I'm gonna smack your crew. This is YJ Stinger straight from Stacker 2. This YJ Stinger is the energy king. Go on catch the buzz, feel the sting. John Cena DVD Commercial Your boy has got a DVD, and it's hot like flame. The new John Cena joint, Word life is the name, baby! Old school battle raps, like me against Rikishi. Kurt Angle, Big Show, you know they can't see me! Catch me up in Iraq, punking out Vinnie Mac, giving Steph's _____ a smack, and your boy is back. Uncut footage, bonus matches galore, cop it at Shopzone, at your video store. They don't got it in stock? Here's what you do. Shake your shoulder off, then tell the manager _____ (FU) Smackdown - 11/13/03 It’s true. It’s damn true. John Cena’s the fifth member. I would have joined Team Lesnar but they are all the wrong gender. That’s why I told them Hell No when they gave me an invitation. Ain’t no way I’m gonna join the Nation of Masturbation. And Brock’s just a little b____ hiding behind them tattoos. But wait, I brought Brock a bra to hide his man-boobs. And Big Show’s gained 500 pounds since last week. It’s like them three giant partners are squeezed between his a__ cheeks. Their whole team are fairies flying to Never Never Land. They ain’t gonna beat us dawg, because they don’t know the Method Man. Their whole team is full of chicks. I’m sick of all of this. I’m a Doctor of Thuganomics, they need a gynecologist. Now that Cena’s on the roster Team Angle’s legit. Team Lesnar is five oversized pieces of ____! Survivor Series - 11/16/03 This whole PPV is a__ backwards ,the main event is on first! I come through the curtains like a fetus, the rest of them are just afterbirth. Nate Jones, Matt Morgan, they dont even stand a chance! I guess Shane and Kane gonna have to make some room in that ambulance. And A-train, Brock, they need to talk to the gravedigger. I'm burying both of those giants, they need to make that grave bigger! John Cena survive alone, I don't need no frickin' stable! I wonder if I can trade in my four partners for a one night stand with Sable? Oh and Big Show, don't think that I forgot about you homey! He's a giant! Well I'm a giant whistle, so go ahead and blow me. Smackdown - 11/20/03 So Vince. You’re stealing my catchphrases? Do you love me that much? John Cena’s untouchable. You just got nothing to touch! Ask your slut. She’s only with you for your money homes When she’s done stealing from you she comes to tickle my funny bones Look at you, all busted up, talking about the P-P-V Undertaker beat you blind because you can’t see me You may pay for this show, but you standing in my ring I’ll stretch your a__ out so much the crowd’ll think your Yao Ming Oh yeah, and you’re good for one thing. She taught you how to suck John Cena’s untouchable, you’re just a stupid ____! Smackdown - 11/27/03 Yo! In this moment of blessing. And toss Torrie Wilson’s salad and hope there's no dressing. We could eat her breasts and thighs when I get her alone. I'll spoon feed her white meat, and hope she chokes on a bone. I brought banana cream, Dawn, do you want to give it a try? For desert, I'm getting some of that Dawn Marie pie. Shaniqua, why you sitting with those Bashams at all . He's got a plate full of sausage; he's choking on a ball. Let me give you some advice cut these losers loose. Let me put some white sprinkles on your chocolate mousse. You may be Native American but I'm pitching the teepee. When you stand up and wanna smack my frickin tv. You make it real steamy, just like a pressure cooker. After you’re done with me you hit the Gobbledy Gooker . You all are gonna feast on this pie, but wait a minute while I check it. Because I get my pie first, everyone else is second. Amen! Smackdown - 12/04/03 So, Paul Heyman said this match is for the best interest of Smackdown? He’s just protecting that b____ Brock, because all he does is back down Thinks that he can beat us both? That’s a dream. He better snap out I’ll straight up whip his a__ and Benoit’s gonna make him tap out So, me and Chris fighting tonight? That’s kinda awkward at first glance That’s like a Third Grade dance over at Neverland Ranch. That shouldn't happen. But if we gotta fight tonight, that’s oooookay. I’ll shake my shoulder off I’m gonna kick his a__ so hard I’m gonna make his colon cough Forget them three-ways and replays, I don’t care whose feet hit I’ll turn his gap tooth brown, because I’m gonna make him eat s___! Smackdown - 12/11/03 Big Show's rap: Yo my name is the Big Show and there ain't none meaner. Last week I screwed over you John Cena. Yo dude. I done punk'd you out all over town. Whatcha gonna do about it b____, I'm 500 pounds. Look at you looking at me. You’re nothing, I'm a giant. In my world you the white girl and I'm Kobe Bryant. Nah dawg, You can't see me. In the ring I'm better than you on the stick, Matter of fact my finger is bigger than your ____. John Cena's rap: Could you repeat that last line, I didn't really get that. I just heard your heavy breathing, choking on your neckfat. Man, I can't believe how out of shape you getting. You've been talking for thirty seconds, you already sweating. Did you eat from the toilet, I'm smelling mysterious gasses. Oh bro, close your mouth you got the breath of a thousand a__es. Yo, it's either that or your rocking some phony pits, You just a fat slob with hairy baloney ____! You need to hit these situps too, you’re not exactly the leanest. Forget seeing me bro, you can't even see your own penis. And mine is bigger than your finger. It's as big as your whole head. You think I'm coming up short? That's not what your mom said. This is a battle rap, and you know I'm not going to get hurt. How am I going to get dissed by the white fat albert. So now you're rap career is over, its time for you to quit. Ain't no place for a 500 pound talking piece of ____. Smackdown: Here Comes The Pain (After you finished Season, view through the credits. After the credits end, there will be a John Cena freestyle rap about the game.) Yo, This is Playstation 2, Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain! The fire in the game's insane, and I'm not talkin about Kane. You won't believe all the divas in a Bra & Panties match, Create your own superstar, it keeps all your stats! This time they added blood, you can tell when you're in danger, And I dare you to conquer the Elimination Chamber. We got too many options, it'll fool any geek. In Legends mode, you can use Snuka, or the Iron Sheik. Yo, this is Thuganomics, man, this class is dismissed. So go! Get out man, and pop that disc! What? Smackdown - 12/18/03 Tis the season to be spreading love and holiday cheer I’m pissed. I’ve been getting ripped off for 26 years I asked for presents. All I ever got was yellow snow So this year I turned Mrs. Claus into a Ho Ho Ho Christmas Even, when Santa Claus is skipping over my house I’ll be in his crib, with my hand up Mrs. Claus’ blouse And when his fat ___ gets stuck down some small chimney While she’ll be hanging off the balls from my Christmas tree Yo. With all the other elves up there, I don’t know who else has tapped it So when I give her my Christmas gift I’ll be sure to wrap it So put out your milk and cookies for Good Ol’ St. Nick The longer he’s gone, the longer Mrs. Claus is working my ____! Smackdown - 1/1/04 Me fightin the FBI? There's no way that I can do this. Now to get to the Royal Rumble I gotta beat the Three Stooges! That's not all, I heard your door swings the wrong way bro. Not me, I hit on chicks like drunk Broadway Joe! Hey enough of that talk about John Cena being a man_____. Let me tell you people what FBI really stands for! Forget your greased up hair and that stupid cigar Chuck. The 'F' means that you guys are stupid as ____. Yeah, thats right, whatcha gonna get when you step to me. Dude I seek you out with straight ESP! You try to come at me bring another hit. You not full blooded you full of bull____! And the Doctor of Thugonomics bout to take you to class. Because that 'I' stands for I'm about to kick your ___. Smackdown - 1/1/04 If y'all are down with Thugonomics lemme see your hands rise! About time they realize that John Cena is the franchise! All your parents hate me cause I got a dirty mouth. But we still kicking ___ up in the Dirty South! I got fans peeing their pants like old folks with Blue Blockers. Now I'm about to give the F-U to Chewbacca! Hey you aint a Wooky man, I kill it with the sweet talk. When I'm done with him he'll be a lil bitty Ewok! A-train beating John Cena? Thats no dice. You get kicked off my campus quicker than Coach Price! And you, you aint an A-train, youre a baby carriage. I'm a bust you up quicker than Britney Spear's marriage! Smackdown - 1/15/04 Yo. I am sick of hearing your voice. You’re a lousy schmuck. I’d rather listen to all these people tell you that you suck. Oh I’m sorry this is your big day. Well I’m here to spoil it. Dude looks like something I just left in the toilet. You see I don’t need your approval Paul. I’m gonna take my respect. I’ll bounce you quicker than an ECW check. You talk a big game, but you standing in my playpen. Do you all want to see beat the living hell out of Paul Heyman? I just heard the crowd man, ain’t no way I can pass. Time to put this mic down, so I can kick your ass! Smackdown - 1/22/04 Last week, Paul Heyman, I'm here to apologize. 'cause when Fat Ass was eatin soap, I shoulda rubbed some in his eyes! It was Paul Heyman who made the match, aint no way I'm stopping it. Last week he was chewing soap, that fool is just used to dropping it. And it's ironic that his favorite team is the New York Yankees. Who is his favorite Lil' Rascal? Alfalfa? Or is it Spanky? Or is it Brock? I heard they give each other naked back rubs. Big Show's got the neck brace, he was bobbin for apples in Paul's bathtub! Tonight is just like the Rumble, competition is soft. People attack me? I throw em out, they just keep beating them off! Royal Rumble 2004 The kid pumpin up his shoes, that's who you got your money on. Bet on anybody else? Yo your money gone! I'm the franchise! I don't care if it's SmackDown or Raw. Keep it official, with the Mitchell and Ness Tug McGraw! There's twenty nine other dudes? They can't see me! And tonight? The Royal Rumble goes to... RVD: R V D. That dude's a trip. Looks like he been talking to Mary Jane. He thinks he beatin' me tonight? He can suck my candy cane! I'm cutting through competition, your boy is sharp as a knife! Tonight I win the Royal Rumble! Word Mutha Freakin Life! Smackdown - 02/05/04 We got Big Show, trying to claim MVP status. You ain’t worth nothing, but it’s okay, you’re definitely the fattest. You’re thinning out man, your chin ain’t that rounded. You’re losing weight in the face, but your ass definitely found it. Angle, chill over there Kojak, you don’t need to be taking trash. He plays the skin flute so much, he’s got a milk mustache. And at No Way Out, I’m going to have you throwing Olympic fits. I’ll rip off your title shot quicker than Janet Jackson’s ____. Word Life! You see, leaving Cena out of the match is completely insane That’s like cutting LeBron James from the All Star Game Paul Heyman and the FCC got no brains. . . Well, I'm gonna walk my pumps so far up your ___, my shoe will get stuck. Now you dealing with John Cena and I just don't give a ____. No Way Out - 02/15/04 Kurt thinks I hit him with a chair, this fool is outta his mind. I'm not the guy that's gonna hit another dude from behind! I'm not your right hand Kurt, there's no way that I can whack you. If I got beef I come right up to your face and frickin smack you! You want to know who knocked you out? Here's a really big clue. He's 500 pounds, he smells like crap, and he's standing right next to you! Let's throw this whale back in the bay and have him sleep with the fishes. This ain't no three way dance, this is me serving two _______! No Way Out is my house! Check the chain and the lock! These people hang from my words, you two can swing from my ____. Smackdown - 02/19/04 Easy Slim Pickings, don’t get too excited. Only reason you’re rocking that party, John Cena wasn’t invited. Look at you drooling all over yourself, getting your hairy nipple wet. Oh, by the way Show, you never beat me in that Triple Threat. So it’s time we settle this, all the marbles, all the money. U.S. Title, you and me, WrestleMania 20. Matter of fact, one-on-one, you never beat me at all. Challenge is open to you, I know you ain’t got the _____. Go ahead, turn me down, you’ll be the world’s biggest switches. You’ll go from world’s biggest giant, to world’s biggest _____. Smackdown - 02/26/04 I've seen the playboy mag, I know these girls like to show off. Your evening gowns look divine. I like em better with their clothes off. And the magazine was hot. I already been through like thirty. Gave a whole new definition to the words beef jerky. Smackdown - 03/05/04 I hope the World’s Greatest Tag Team don’t try to sing for them titles. They were worse than the Japanese dude from American Idol. And at WrestleMania, you’re boy is going to open some eyes. They call me Johnny Starbucks, cause I’m the whole franchise. It’s time to make John Cena a household name. I’m gonna win the U.S. Title and keeping changing the game. I went from tights and booties to jerseys and pumps. And I’m the real United States, I’m just a trash talking punk. Every week they cut out my lines from your TV set. That means Vince Kennedy Mac can’t even see me yet. I say what I want, when I want, and I’m always controversial. I’m gonna turn the Big Show into a five second commercial. Smackdown - 03/12/04 - Smackdown But then we got Big Show, saying that I live in a dream land. I’m chasing his title quicker than he’s chasing the ice cream man. He ran down his whole resume, just to create his own buzz. That dude’s a mark for himself, just like Gastineau was. Get off your jock, he’s all over himself man. He plays Black Jack alone just to beat his own hand. And the casino manager told him that money was bread. So he didn’t cash in his own chips, that fool ate them instead. You bet against me at WrestleMania, dude you in the wrong spot. I keep it X-rated, that’s why they call me a long shot. Smackdown - 03/14/04 - WrestleMania You got the franchise playa on the Superbowl stage. So get that gorilla Big Show out of his cage! Ain't no way I'm gonna lose to that King Kong rip off. That's like Gary Coleman beatin Patrick Ewing in a tip off! Big Show's really a ape with posable thumbs. And he stuffs his singlet, looks like he's smuggling plums! Yo...everybody knows that he can't see me! I'm itching to beat him like a penis with a STD! I'm not even wrestling the Big Show, this whole thing's a charade. My match is with the hippo float from the Macy's parade! So it's time to get a championship to match these custom knucks. Madison Square chant it loud baby!!!! Big Show sucks! Smackdown - 03/18/04 You see, at WrestleMania Big Show didn’t think I was a fighter. I put him on an F-U diet, he came out ten pounds lighter. The Smackdown video game’s the only way he can play me. I bring championships home like my name was Tom Brady. But there’s some people out there that think I disgrace this title’s heritage. That’s cause your boy’s causing more controversy than gay marriages. Plus, the FCC’s cracking down on me, too. Man, those people suck, just like the Yankees do. But I’m still throwing the W up, changing the whole industry. I’m like the big ____ bro, nobody can finish me. Raw - 03/22/04 The franchise is crashing this party! Paul don't get hot at me! He's wearing a neck brace cause he's blowing the whole lottery! I heard that about you, he ain't the one way type. Believe the hype John Cena more raw than Monday night! I'm the lottery pick they both wanna get their hands on. This ain't no Junior High dance, so fellas keep your pants on! Oh and if you draft me save your T-shirts I ain't kissing your butts. We in the D baby! So you can choke on these nuts! You the general manager but I'm making the next pick. I'm giving you one ball but you still got no d___! Smackdown - 03/26/04 Welcome to Smackdown, this is where the franchise plays. That’s Tazz, he’s a thug, and that’s Michael Cole, he’s gay. Now there’s some things you need to know. I’m here to keep you prepared, bro. Don’t leave your watch or your wallet anywhere near Eddie Guerrero. Fool pickpocketed me like five times, he still owes me fifty bucks, he’s still got my ID. This is the most important thing, but you’ll remember, this one’s easy. Don’t go nowhere near a bathroom after Big Show or Rikishi. They got that funk like something up and died up in here. And get your eyes off my equipment, I don’t care how bad you want some. This chain ain’t for yanking, and don’t touch my Magic Johnson. Those French folk got their own thing, but I’m not going to judge. You’ll do you, and I’ll do me, know what I’m saying. I’d introduce you to these fans, but it’s obvious they want none of you. It’s because they know that France sucks, plus they're throwing up the "W." Be a good time for you, don’t let the door hit you when it shuts. Oh, I got something for you to do man, choke on these nuts. Smackdown - 04/01/04 I’m still giving out F-Us, and still pumping up my shoes. This is Great American Award? Your boy is not going to lose. Look at Charlie Haas, he had to cheat his way in. Big Show’s buying apple pies, he’s trying to eat his way in. Hey you know they gonna keep his award sucker free. Forget about that Busta Rhymes wannabe they call Booker T. See, I’m gonna win this thing tonight by beating two Italian tough guys. I’m repping Ohio State, giving competition Buckeyes. But check this out, Michael Cole’s got a new main squeeze. Tazz, you guys look good together, but before you choke on each other, you can choke on these. Smackdown - 04/08/04 This Great American Award? I’m going to win it tonight. It’s a no-brainer, even Kurt Angle can get it right. I’m the United States champ, I put on a demonstration. I beat two Italians last week to get this nomination. Rene Dupree was ringside with one of his poodle mutts. So, I punked out a French dude and hit his with my nuts. So whoever I’m fighting tonight, I’ve got a word of advice, man. I be slammin’ cats with style, just like I was the Iceman. I got a little something to say to the rest of the nominees. Don’t get choked up when you lose, get choked up on these. Smackdown - 04/15/04 This crowd is live, y’all got more juice than Tropicana. You know where the hell you are? This is Indianapolis, Indiana. And I’m smooth like white chocolate, Cena’s a vanilla thriller. My F-U is automatic, like jump shots from Reggie Miller. Velocity - 05/01/04 I got Saturday night on lock, man, your boy is holdin’ it. It’s the same green screen, but now we’ve got gold in it. I own Velocity, hell your boy is the franchise. They say my head blown up, so I increased my pants size. For real, this crowd is hyped. Tonight is the tonight, man. We’re doing this different, we’re going to start this off right. You see, I fight for you people, I’ve got the fans on my mind. That’s why I’m looking in the crowd for all them John Cena signs. Well, if you got one, throw it up because in case you hadn’t heard me. The best sign in the house is gonna get a free jersey. Smackdown 05/06/04 Judgment Day is coming up, Rene Dupree I’m going to smash him. Your boy is all business, starting tonight with Doug Basham. Nah, nah, nah, now listen, I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining and ____. But there’s just something weird about two guys that are always switching positions. He’s keeping it in the family, messing around with his brother. I’ll beat you really quick tonight, so you can go back to beating each other. Your boy is fully focused, man, ain’t no way you gonna bash me. Y’all twins are bigger _____ than Mary Kate and Ashley. I hit the Five Moves of Doom, you hear the 1-2-3’s. I F-U right where I left you, make you choke on these. Kostenlose Homepage erstellt mit Web-Gear